


Holy Supernatural, Batman 3

by brokenhighways



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Metafiction, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-30
Updated: 2013-06-30
Packaged: 2017-12-16 14:49:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/863249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's out of town fixing his ex-girlfriend's kitchen sink when Dean bumps into Batman at some bar in Memphis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holy Supernatural, Batman 3

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not as hilarious as I pretend to be. But humour me. Sort-of-but-not-really a sequel to the first two (that I'm not even going to link, because I'm not funny. At all).
> 
> I don't own Batman, or Sam, or Dean, or anything.

Sam's out of town fixing his ex-girlfriend's kitchen sink when Dean bumps into Batman at some bar in Memphis. Considering the fact that all of Sam's exes ended up dead, there's no real reason why Sam should be near any of them. Not unless he wants yet another alias of his to end up on the FBI database. When Dean explains all of this, Sam, as usual, does not listen.  
  
Dean hopes that he at least gets laid.

Anyway, his first thought is _HIDE, DEAN!_ Because he and Batman don't really get along. Or rather, Batman hates his guts because he can’t handle Dean’s awesomeness.

Yeah, that sounds about right.   
  
"Dean." Bruce, because he's apparently not Batman tonight, greets him with a curt nod.

"Bruce." They regard each other coolly as Bruce orders a scotch on the rocks. Despite the chatter in the heavily populated bar, there still manages to be an awkward silence between them.  
  
"So," Bruce says after a while. And Dean is grateful, because some douchebag has just picked one of those whiny, annoying Maroon 5 song’s on the jukebox. "I caught an episode of your show the other night." Dean sighs in despair. The thing about _Supernatural_ is that, it is impossible to get away from it. Sam still gets a kick out of it but Dean does not like the way they've portrayed his character, or any of the characters. He's met the real Castiel, and he’s an asshole like the rest of the angels. And really? Like Dean would be stupid enough to impregnate some sort of Amazonian creature. _Please_. He also would not _fan boy_ over Eliot Ness; he’s a professional for God’s sake.   
  
"I saw The Dark Knight Rises," he replies. "These schmucks think they know all about us, but they don't."   
  
"Do not get me started on Christopher Nolan," Bruce says. "I sent him a letter detailing all of the inaccuracies and mistakes that I discovered in his trilogy. Including 99 from The Dark Knight Rises,"  
  
"Oh yeah?" Dean says. "What'd he say?" Because really he has to agree, the film was a _mess_. From the long, long, long, dialogue scenes, John Blake’s reasoning skills, Batman’s bionic brace, Albert’s whining, Anne Hathaway and Bane’s incoherent mumbling, Dean wasn’t really sure why it’d raked in so much money. And as if all of that that wasn’t bad enough, he'd had to listen to the girl behind him bemoan the fact that she'd been denied the chance to drool over Tom Hardy's lips.  
  
The female species continued to mystify Dean.  
  
"He sent me a picture of himself cashing a check," Bruce says. "Along with a note that said, ‘ _haters to the left_.’" Bruces bottom lip curls in distaste and Dean would snap a picture and send it to Sam if he didn’t think that Bruce would break his arm.   
  
"What a prick," Dean says. "We should tell all of these writers and directors to fuck off, and make our own shows."  
  
"Well," says Bruce. "I've already begun to finance my own production company."  
  
An idea springs into Dean's mind.

The Winchesters and The Batman, grouping together to fight evil. They would be an unstoppable force, like no other seen before them. They would be better than the Avengers, better than The Justice League and--"  
  
"Let me just stop you there," Bruce says, as he sips on his drink. "As much as I like Sam, and _tolerate_ you, I would be able to kick both of your asses in thirty seconds flat. Creating a team with you would be nothing short of stupid. I mean, even _Flash_ would be more use, and he's no use at all. I would perhaps choose you over Aquaman, but that is not really an endorsement. You cannot fight, you cannot plan, you cannot evade capture, or even hell, despite your vast resources. You can't even keep a hold of your own brother."  
  
"He's with--" Dean stops short when he realises that he doesn't know the name of Sam's ex-girlfriend. He hopes that Sam isn't off completing a trial somewhere.  
  
"That is exactly what he's doing."  
  
Dean sighs. Batman is kind of a jackass.  
  
"I'm sure your Angel friend will help you locate him. How does that work? Do you just, sing his name and let your profound bond do the rest?"  
  
"You've been watching too much _Supernatural_ ," Dean says. "Castiel is an asshole."  
  
"Funny," Bruce says. "He said the same about you. Right after he announced that he was a messenger of God. Unfortunately, he found himself in the middle of a Kryptonite sandwich and Superman hasn't been able to find a cure since."

Ah, so that’s why they haven’t heard from Castiel for a while. Huh.   
  
Dean opens his mouth to reply, but then he stops, he thinks about Crowley and how they can't seem to murder him or at least banish him for a couple of hundred years so he can torment the next generation of hunters instead.   
  
"Do you have a contact number for Metallo?" he asks. “

Bruce sighs and rolls his eyes, "You've been reading far too many comics."  
  
 _ **Fin.**_


End file.
